The Boxing Gym

So last night for our Anniversary, my wife convinced me to go to The Boxing Gym on Manchester Road across the street from the Walgreen’s on Baxter. From the very beginning, in the back of my mind, I knew this was a bad idea, but kept telling myself, ‘how hard can it be to hit a bag a few times’.

We walked into the front door to find a large room with punching bags all around. We were a little early so the class before us was finishing up, stretching on the mats and no one looked like they were going to die. So we stood there not really knowing what to do but eventually Kasey came out of the back room and took care of us.

He brought us into the back office and had us sign all the normal forms (if we die we can’t sue) that every gym has. I happily signed my name and talked with Kasey about the gym and what classes he taught. He gave us a short tour, the boxing room and the workout room, and showed us some of the things he likes to teach with (a giant tire, fire hose, railroad tie). Now I’m getting sort of worried, I’m not built to carry fire hoses, but he explained that he was not teaching our class, we were taking the boxing class, his was more cardio strength training.

After our small tour, and talking about the classes, Kasey walked us to the front of the building and gave us some boxing gloves since we didn’t have our own, not the big red kind but small black one, like something a ninja would use. I strapped them on and asked him who was our teacher, and he pointed to one of the largest men I have ever seen.

For the life of me I cannot remember his name, but this man was 6 ½ feet tall, 270 pounds of pure muscle. He towered over me like I do to my 2 year old. And when he laughed, the earth trembled. I’m not a gay man, but I can safely say this was the most impressive, attractive, and intimidating man I have ever seen in person.

Now I’m scared

We began class jump roping. I don’t remember jump roping being that hard. From what I recall, I could go for hours, never tripping and only breaking a sweat because it was 103° outside on the blacktop. Not anymore, I could successfully jump the rope, maybe 15 times before I would trip. At first I got mad, ‘grrr’ I thought, I’m better than this, and would start swinging the rope again, hopping like an idiot. But I soon grew to love that I couldn’t jump rope anymore. I waited for the time that I could stop jumping, and stop swinging my arms. He told us that this ‘warm up’ was for 5 minutes, but he is a lier, and he rigged his clock to run slow.

From there we stretched and twisted in ways that I didn’t think were very good for me, but I did them (I didn’t want to look bad to my wife). After we were finished stretching, the torture began.

We partnered up and had to do all sorts of leg/stomach workouts that even the veteran I was teamed up with was having trouble doing. Around the third or forth position I felt reality start to slip. I started hallucinating that I was at home, on my couch with my cheese poofs and a cold beer, watching the history channel. Every few minutes I would awaken to the screaming sound in my head, or someone telling me to breath. One time I opened my eyes to see the giant instructor over me with a medicine ball and proceeded to slam it into my stomach multiple times. Then he moved on to his next victim. I wanted to cry out, to warn them, but no sound came out. I could only lie there and witness the carnage as the next person was smashed.

But those exercises passed, and I was thirsty. Everyone started heading towards the front door, or at least the windows in the front, where people left their stuff (water bottles included). But this was not a time for drinking, we were lining up to do lunge walking (that’s the only title I could give it). Everyone took a large medicine ball that weighed a ton, held it out in front of us and started walking. Walking is the nice way to put it, in reality, we took long steps, bending our knees (nearly touching the floor) for two laps around the gym.

I was impressed with myself that I completed the task and was expecting a breather (we’d been going non-stop for 15 minutes now), but we continued. My throat was closing and I needed water, so I snuck a drink while we lined up for the next thing – sprinting.

We ran from one side of the room to the next, normally this wouldn’t be so bad (I don’t mind running) but I was already exhausted from everything else. Did I mention that I’m horribly out of shape. After a few sprints, he mixed it up on us. We started doing ‘frog jumps’, where we would squat down (like a frog) then jump forward while throwing our arms in the air above our heads, the entire length of the gym. I was able to do the first lap completely, but the second time, I failed. On my way back to the staring line my body gave up. I couldn’t go any further.

After 25 minutes, I gave up. I was ashamed. No one else quit, including my wife. I sat on the windowsill, with my head down, embarrassed, not able to do any more. I watched the class continue, and grew more and more impressed with my wife. She stuck with it. I worried for her, because I love her and I don’t want to see her in pain, but she did it, all the way to the end, for one full hour.

They did more grueling exercises without me, and eventually got to the punching bags (remember this was boxing class). They even asked me if I wanted to rejoin for this part of the class, but in my mind, if I cant complete the beginning, I didn’t earn the right to hit the bag. So I sat and watched.

For a free class, I got more than my moneys worth. My wife even wants to pay for this. Me, I’m still undecided. Part of me want to pay and see if I can make it 30 minutes. Then 35. But the other part isn’t so sure. As I write this my legs hurt, both my thighs and calves. If I drop something, it will stay on the floor until a further date, because my stomach wont allow me to move it.

All in all, I had fun, and I don’t want to deter anyone from doing this. If you are looking for a workout class, and willing to really work hard, this is the class for you, I highly recommend it. It is extreme in every sense of the word. But is well worth it. And I thank that teacher, who ever you are, for showing me that I need to work more and that I am out of shape and lazy. He never told me this, but gave me a way to show myself.

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