Norton Broke Into My House

I was sleeping soundly the other night, happily dreaming about something interesting like the end of the world or superheroes, when my wife suddenly woke me up.

“John, JOHN! There is someone in our house!”

OK, I’m up. You said the magic words. Adrenalin running through my veins, I’m ready to kill. It’s funny, I wasn’t thinking of it at the time, but I just wrote a post about this.

I start creeping out of my bedroom, no weapon in hand but ready to use whatever ninja moves I’d seen on TV. That’s when I noticed, my wife was right on my heals. It was a wonderful feeling, together we would defend our house, we would die together. We were the Incredibles! As I walked down my hall, she split from me and I realized that she was going to the kids room, ready to claw out the eyes of anyone that enters. She had no interest in fighting with me, I’d been trumped by my two-year-old.

Clearing my thoughts, like master Yoda taught me, I was one with the force, ready to strike down anyone who crossed my path. Then I heard the noise, it came from the computer room.

I could barely hear the noise through the pounding of my heart, but someone was definitely going through my stuff! Now that someone is going to die tonight, or I’ll die trying. No one will break into my house and get away with it. I’m sure if I win my family will come visit me in jail. Just once a year on my birthday is all I ask. They can even move on, get a new father/husband, and hopefully that person would do the same.

As I approached the room, I heard the noise again. It was exactly the same as last time. The criminal must be really interested in whatever he’s doing. I threw the door open and flipped on the light as fast as I could. I was ready to pounce, kick, claw, bite, punch, whatever it took to take this guy down.

Nothing.

There was no one there. I swear I heard something from this room! I looked around, there was nowhere to hide. Then I heard the noise again, and nearly hit my head on the ceiling, and I knew that this was it. I’m dead.

But I lived. It was my computer’s DVD player opening and closing.

Feeling a little stupid, and a little betrayed by my computer, I sat down to see what was going on, and to angrily shut it down. I was determined to click the mouse buttons VERY hard!

Norton AntiVirus wanted to backup my computer. It wanted 9 DVDs from me and a few hours of my time. I don’t want to do that! If it’s on my computer and not backed up on a server somewhere, it’s probably not that important to me. Annoyed enough, I held down the power button for the 5 seconds and shut that box down with a vengeance.

The house was safe for now. I had defeated my foe. I sent my wife off to bed, made sure the kid was still asleep. After double checking all the locks in the house, I went to bed as well.

The next day, I went back to the computer. Norton still wanted my DVDs. I couldn’t find a way to stop it. I can cancel it, but now every day it asks me for DVDs. I’m nearly ready to give in, but if anyone knows how to stop this, please fill me in. And yes, I know, I’m leaving myself open to, “Just Uninstall Norton Moron”, and I will once it expires.

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