Bug Size Theory

I was mowing my lawn on Saturday afternoon in what felt like was the first dry day in months. Even though it’d only been a week, the grass was really high, which made it take even longer than normal. But a long mow means I have plenty of time to think. The constant hum and vibrations triggers something in my brain and I almost feel more intelligent, more profound.

While mindlessly walking in circles and the bugs jumping out of the way in horror as a 12 inch blade comes flailing at them, I got to thinking. All of the bugs, no matter what type or color, are all about the same size. But I’ve seen the exact same type of bug other places and they are larger. Why? So I came up with a theory.

I told you mowing my lawn made me more intelligent.

OK! Before you close the window or browse somewhere else, let me explain. Well, there really isn’t much to explain. I believe, and will test, that the bugs in my lawn are that size because I keep my grass at a certain length.

It’s all about protection. If the bug gets too large, it will stand out in the short grass and will become easy pickings for the birds. But for competition reasons they need to become as big as possible, to fight off the other bugs. So they all end up about the same size.

My first test, mainly observation, came later that evening when I visited my friend’s farm in Paynesville, MO – Population 91. It’s a very remote place with a small house, a lake and a ton of trees. Around the house is a small patch of lawn, maybe a quarter of an acre.

His grass is longer than mine, and most likely cut a lot less often, but I noticed that he has the same type of bugs living in it. But they are bigger. Now there could be a lot of different reasons for this, but it fits in with my bug size theory.

But to truly test my theory, I’m going to refrain from cutting my lawn for the rest of the season. I’m sure I’ll need to write a letter to the city, so I don’t get fined, but I’m sure they’ll completely understand. You can do nearly anything in the name of science. I guess the only other hurtle I’ll have is my wife, and I’m sure she’ll be thrilled. She is such the fan of science.

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