Archive for October, 2009
The Greatest Holiday – Halloween
Posted by John Nemec in My Boring Life on October 30th, 2009
I love Halloween for many different reasons and it seems like I get a new one each year. Not only do you get to dress up as someone or something else (lack of self-confidence), carve pumpkins (playing with knives), wander the streets late at night (even if it’s a school night), and get candy from complete strangers (which ever other day of the year is a no-no), now that I’m a dad I can scare the crap out of a 2 year old and no one can stop me (except my wife).
For this years Halloween I’ve done the normal decorating of the house, skeletons hanging on the porch, zombies in the lawn and a scarecrow/zombie sitting on my front porch. But what makes this year even more special is my son is old enough to get scared.
But I don’t want to ruin this most holy of days for him, and I definitely don’t want to pay for the therapy bills in the future, so I try and do fun things with him as well. On the nights it’s not raining, which are few and far between these days, we take a walk around the block in the evenings to see what other people have hung on their houses. He loves spending time in front of each house to tell me not to be scared, “it’s just fake, it’s plastic”. Then we move on to the next house only to reassure me, and himself, not to be scared.
When trapped in the house because of the rain, we watch whatever kid friendly Halloween program that’s on. This past week my son got to experience “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” among other things for his first time. I was actually surprised that he sat through it, being that the show is more than 40 years old and the animation looks even older. But he watched it from beginning to end, twice.
While watching Halloween TV we also have to eat Halloween foods, like caramel apples. We have had so many apples come through our house lately, with trips to Eckert’s and Rombach’s, we’ve had to do something with them. My wife melted some caramel and we got a chance to dip the apples and roll them in all sorts of goodies. The best topping so far has been Reese’s Peanut Butter Chips.
All-in-all this Halloween should be a great one and hopefully the rain will stop long enough for us to walk around the block. But if not, my little dragon will still scare our neighbors while I carry an umbrella and shiver. I guess it’s payback for all the torture I’ve given him.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Church Of The iPhone
Posted by John Nemec in My Boring Life on October 27th, 2009
Religion is a subject that comes up in my life more often that I hope for. Everyone seems to have a different one, and they all want me to sign up. On a personal note, I have no interest in religion. I’m not saying that I don’t believe, that’s the furthest thing from the truth, it’s more along the lines of, I don’t know what’s out there and I really could care less if it really is there. So after great debate, I’ve decided to start my own religion.
The first step anyone should do when attempting to start their own faith is to think about what their religion will be. Will it be a branch of an existing religion or are we starting from scratch? There are a lot of existing religions to choose from like Christian, Jewish, Buddhism, Muslim, to name a few. And if we are creating something totally new, you’re only limited to what you can think up.
Once you have decided what you’ll believe in, the next step is to give it a name. So today, October 27th, the Church of the iPhone was founded and I will now be known as The Holy Anointed One.
iPhoneism is born.
The next step is to register the new religion with the Department of the Treasury. Registering with the government will give us the ability to take advantage of tax breaks. With these tax breaks we will be able to make more money (that’s the point of religion isn’t it?) and with more money we can buy more followers.
After our religion is recognized by the government we’ll need a church and a bible. This seems to be the hard part to me. I don’t have any money so it looks like I’m starting an internet church and I don’t feel like writing a book of laws and lessons so we can use the iPhone user manual that came with your phone.
Wow! My new religion is coming along just nicely. I guess my next step will be to sell it to my wife. She already thinks I’ve gone off the deep end with the iPhone so I’m sure while she reads this she’s planning our divorce. So if she doesn’t leave me, I’m sure she’ll convert. One follower.
If you think it’s kind of strange for me to start, or even think of starting, my own religion. Take a look at the following “REAL” religions. To be honest, I didn’t research any of these religions, I found the information on WeirdWorm.com.
Scientology
This is the most popular religion of this kind and the most people have heard about it. She is probably best known for its absurd alien beliefs.
Jedi Religion – Jediism
The Jedi Church believes that there is one all powerful force that binds all things in the universe together. The Jedi religion is something innate inside everyone of us, the Jedi Church believes that our sense of morality is innate. So quiet your mind and listen to the force within you!
The Church of Ed Wood – Woodism
They are an internet church that practices Woodism. Woodism is a pop-culture-based religion created in 1996 by Reverend Steve Galindo. They follow the late cult director Edward D. Wood Jr., and they look to him as a savior. At The Church of Ed Wood they use Ed and his films to inject spirituality into those who get little fulfillment from more mainstream religions like Christianity. By looking at his films and his life, they learn to lead happy, positive lives. We strive for acceptance of others and of the self.
Apatheism
The aphateists don’t believe that there is a God and, besides that, and if there was a one they would be completely apathetic and couldn’t possibly care less. Still, they have some Gnostic elements. They gather once a year and snap wrapping bubbles to show their indifference about the existence of God.
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster – Pastafarians
With millions, if not thousands, of devout worshipers, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is widely considered a legitimate religion, even by its opponents – mostly fundamentalist Christians, who have accepted that our God has larger balls than theirs.
So now that I have my own religion, iPhoneism, and you’ve seen that I’m no more crazy than everyone else, start donating your hard earned cash to me. And if you don’t want to support my religion, stop trying to convert me, go find a Pastafarian and bug him.
Popularity: 2% [?]
Set iPhone To Sleep
Posted by John Nemec in Technology on October 26th, 2009
Do you like to listen to your favorite tunes while you sleep? Many people do, but it can be difficult to do with the short battery life of the iPhone. The worry was your iPhone would be dead in the morning. Until now!
Try using your Timer for something other than an alarm clock. You can actually set the Timer to put your iPhone to sleep. To do this, go to “Clock” > “Timer” > “When Timer Ends” > Sleep. This is great if you listen to music at night as you dose off.
Now you can listen to your music or whatever you want to do and know that you’re not wasting precious battery life. If you can think of other good examples of what else this can be used for, let me know!
Popularity: 2% [?]
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